Dating Dictionary
by Kurt Opprecht

for Swoon.com October, 2000

Out Box
A theoretical place for people you're dating, but intending to dump at the first chance; as in, "He's too self-absorbed for me now, he's in my out box."

Bell Boy
A guy with whom you have an understanding that he can drop by from time to time for mutually-appreciated casual sex.

Clocker
A woman in her 30's or 40's and a bit over-eager to find a husband because her biological clock is ticking and she desperately wants to experience childbirth.

The quiz
Series of questions a clocker will ask her date, to determine whether he is husband material. (eg: "Is there a history of heart disease in your family?")

Chandler
A nice guy who's not particularly good at talking to women.

Cat box
An apartment so filthy that once you have seen it, you will never come home with that person again.

Scooby snack
Physically unattractive, but fun in bed.

Digital dodge
Using equipment malfunctions to avoid communicating, such as "accidentally" erasing one's answering machine tape.

Tag-along
A friend or sibling brought along to a meeting that otherwise might have been considered a date.

Table tennis
A back and forth conversation on a date that doesn't lead to anything interesting -- romance, for instance, or sex.

Shampoo
Your home boy, steady guy, not necessarily the love of your life.

Burritoville
Any place -- a sports bar, for instance -- where mostly guys hang out, (also: sausage factory).

The Secret Square
Something two people have in common that, when discovered, immediately creates a connection. e.g. "Oh my God! You eat your french fries with corn syrup too?"

Fig Leaf
A pair of swim trunks that leaves too little to the imagination.

Hat Box
A club full of trendy young lid-wearing skateboard types.

Latex Loss
An erection that was doing fine, but failed during the time it took to open a condom package and put it on.

Private Benjamin
Another name for a vibrator.

Copper-top Date
A session with the vibrator

Lava Lamp
Another name for an ejaculating penis.

Raisin Smuggler
A woman whose erect nipples can be seen through her top.

PG
Public grooming. e.g. Putting on make-up at the dinner table, or combing your hair while waiting in line.

PDP
Public Display of (Body) Parts. Flashing or stripping down in public, often for cameras or shouting drunken males.

Triple B
(Beer Belly Boy) A male at college age, already sporting "love handles" and well on his way to becoming a lonesome couch potato. Usually spotted in groups of three or more.

Pebbles and Bam Bam
An adorable couple that have been together as long as anyone can remember.

B2B
"Bed to bed" (A ho.)